Our thanks to the editor of Portland, The University of Portland Magazine, for permission to use this article which appeared in the Autumn, 1997 issue, p. 11.
 

Final examinations for the fall semester will be held December 8-11. One of the subtle pleasures of finals for faculty members is discovering some of the interesting opinions held by their students. Some of these opinions, culled from recent tests and papers:
 

Question: Who was John Knox?
“John Knox was the head of the Mormon religion in Salt Lake City, Utah. He built the temple singlehandedly in the year 1404-1403 B. C.”
 

Question: What was the Virgin Birth?
“...keeping your virginity your entire life, like Mary did, is extremely difficult - because, after all, you’re not born with it.”
 

Question: “What does it profit you if you gain the whole world and suffer the loss of your soul?”
“I don’t understand the question. Consult the Dow Jones index.”
 

Question: Who were the parents of Jesus Christ?
“Joseph and Mary Christ.”
 

Question: What are political parties?”
“Political parties are an effective vice for citizens who wish to make themselves heard in the federal government.”
 

Question: What were some of the reasons for the end of the Cold War?
“...NATO decided to station middle-range nuclear missals in Germany.”
 

Question: List ways that modern technology has improved agriculture.
“...and the use of concubines in corn fields...”
 

Question: What was Descartes’ theory of the mind-body relationship?
“Dualism is the theory that the mind is spiritual and the body is physical. The two substances interact in the prostate gland at the base of the brain.”